The Yamaha Road Star Warrior Forum

So I hadn't talk to my brother in about 2 months. I was wondering what the "F" is up with that. I talked to him yesterday & got the scoop. After a long night of drinking to try & forget what he told me, I'm stumped. My brother is shooting heroin......What can I do?

Sorry to hear that.  Let him know you love him, you're there for him and will do whatever is necessary to help him get through rehab.  Also tell him you are not his keeper.  If he won't at least try to help himself then stay away.  An addict, no matter who he or she was before, is now nothing but an addict.  They will do anything for the next fix.  If that means stealing from you then so be it.  He is no longer the person you knew and won't be again until he gets off the drugs.  Get him help, or get away from him.  

I would say that the "right" answer is to get him in a drug rehabilitation program.

sorry to hear about that - that really stinks.  I guess push him toward rehab...

I'm really sorry to hear this. 

I don't know that there is much that you can do besides keeping the lines of communication open and staying close to him (it already sounds like you are doing this - kudos to you).  Pay close attention to him and keep in contact every few days.  Maybe you can include him in some activities or get him involved in a new hobby or with a group of people that might be a better influence on him?? Do you know where is he getting it from?  Ultimately he's the only one that can change himself.

overheadcam427:

Ultimately he's the only one that can change himself.

My friends son is hooked on crack.We all have tryed to talk to him. He says we all don't understand he's an addict and can't stop.He's been in and out of rehab and it hasn't done any good.He's been in and out of jail also.Lately he robbed a store with a knife and got caught.He's in prison now on his 3rd offence and is facing life.So that's why I referenced Overheadcam427's quote.Only he can make the call for help and step up to the plate.I hope he will listen before it's to late.

No advice from me that hasn't already been given, but I'm sorry to hear that Matt.  

Remember, the drugs are now controlling him, so when he does/says stupid sh*t, it's not your brother doing it, it's the drugs.  Get him in a program ASAP!  There is no middle ground with heroin.  If he does not get clean and stay clean, the life he knew is over, and the brother you knew is gone forever.  Good luck.

Some addicts are functional, depending on how deep he's been sucked in. Is he still holding down a job? There are support groups for relatives of addicts that could probably give you much sounder advise for help in your area. This info should be available at your local church. Good luck.

Out of all the advise given here, I would seriously consider listening to Oldman.  Try your best to get him help.  If he is receptive and trying to kick it, awesome!  Be there for him and offer all the support you can.  If he isn't giving it a genuine full on effort, get the hell away from him.  NEVER give him money.  Don't pay his bills, don't give him money for "medication" and don't give him access to your belongings.  I appologise if this sounds harsh, but I've been through it with my uncle.  We now have to keep tabs on where in the country he lives, and just last thursday filed a restraining order against him as he is moving back to town.

My parents got him a job a few years back, a place to live, got him into a drug program, watched his money closely and cleaned him up.  2 years he was off substances, and things were great.  Then out of nowhere he fell off, and he fell off hard.  The past 2 years he has been in and out of jail, stolen from every family member who has been compasionate(naive) enough to try and help him (myself included) and is estranged from his ex-wife and daughter.  He went from a man I loved and cared for to a man I wish would just go away and get the hell out of my life.  The threats, the thefts, and simple feeling of dread everytime I hear his name mentioned makes me sick. I don't know you, but I truely wish you didn't have to deal with this.  It's going to be hard.  Oldman is right though.  As long as he is an addict, he is NOT the man you've known and loved all your life.

I don't tell you this to paint a bleak picture, I genuinely truely hope things work out.  It's simply an attempt to warn you to protect yourself.  Try anyway you can, except monitarily, to help him kick this.  Be there for him and give him all the love and support you can, but the desire to quit has to come from him, he has to WANT to kick it, or it will never happen.  The second you think he doesn't want to kick it, you're probably right, don't hesitate, seperate yourself from the situation immediately.  It will be the hardest thing you've ever done, but you have to protect yourself and your family.

** Oh yeah, don't ever feel guilt if things don't work out.  The worst thing you could do to yourself is feel you haven't done enough.  You always have to keep one thing in perspective, he got himself into this situation, not you!  HE used, HE stuck that needle in his arm, HE is resposible for all the actions that lead up to the situation he finds himself in.  NEVER forget that. **

OldMan:

Sorry to hear that.  Let him know you love him, you're there for him and will do whatever is necessary to help him get through rehab.  Also tell him you are not his keeper.  If he won't at least try to help himself then stay away.  An addict, no matter who he or she was before, is now nothing but an addict.  They will do anything for the next fix.  If that means stealing from you then so be it.  He is no longer the person you knew and won't be again until he gets off the drugs.  Get him help, or get away from him.  

Well said.

Sorry to hear about this, Hurd.  I hope it works out.

Matt!, if this sounds like a television show it's because it very much is REAL...the show is call INTERVENTION.  and it works!!!

I am in recovery myself. An organized intervention usaually is the best way to go. by organized I mean everything should be as prearranged as possible.

You'll need to contact several rehabs to find out which are the best to address his specific needs, ie, alcohol, herion, meth, dual-additions etc. Once you boil it down to 1-2 rehabs that will take him, you'll want to set up a meeting with him. Get your immediate family involved and get together to discuss how you are all being impacted by your brothers actions. You all need to be on the same page in terms of how you will treat your brother if/when he contacts you for money, housing, food etc etc. At some point in the near future he will bottom out and become 1 of 2 things, desperate for help, or dead!

Once the family is ready, and the rehab(s) are ready, schedule a meeting with your brother to join you and your family at a location of your choice. At the meeting you'll all want to let him know how much you love him and you want to offer help. Let him know how he has impacted the family, each person should have his/her say in terms of how they feel about how he has impacted them.

Each member should offer the same help, which is you will take him NOW to the rehab and check him in for treatment.

Don't be fooled Matt! 30 day treatment programs today are known as "SPIN DRY" programs. They get the head clear, get the person out of critical withdrawls (detox) and then cut them loose.

Studies today have shown it takes at least 12 weeks to change the human psychy....ie, habitual behaviors and break routines and establish new routines.

6-12 month programs have the best results when followed up with additioanl sober living facility time where the subject lives and has day to day normal responsibilities, continued counciling and therapy. The better rehabs will have this aftercare type programs which will help the patient transition back into normal, responsible living. Then it's up to him.

I highly reccomend a continued recovery program of some sort as a part of his everyday life style after he gets on the right path. Relapse prevention is the most critical part of aftercare. If this is not included, your brother will be right back where he is today at some point in the future.

Recovery is real! and alice and well. Recovery is not for people who NEED it....its for people who WANT it!!!!!

PM me any time brother to takl more about this.

One last thing....there is this thing called "codependency"..... I define it as allowing the actions of other people to define who I am and how I make my decisions. Your brothers actions can not be allowed to control you and your family. It's the most difficult thing to deal with and live with. I deal with it everyday as my 26 year old son is in rehab as we speak...for the second time as he didn't take it serious the 1st time.

You must be able to accept the fact that while your brother is using, you won't hear from him generaly until he NEEDS something...money, food etc.

You have a life, probably a wonderful family that all want to be healthy and happy. Don't let your brother drag the entire family down.

offer the help to him when ready. If he rejects the help. You all need to move on...as hard as it is. Just like OLDMAN said....

good luck to you brother...and keep us posted.

I attend AA 3-5 times a week, and a program called Celebrate Recovery to maintain my sobriety and relapse prevention.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m6uJ6Kdfwi0&feature=fvw

 I hope it is obvious but it needs to be said.  First of all, I am very sorry for your and his situtation.  You all have some very hard decisions to make and some very trying times ahead.  Stay strong, firm, and remember your brother at his very best, not worst.  Never, ever throw unmanaged money at the situation...you should know and see where every dollar goes...Not for financial reasons, but to insure that you are not feeding the problem....I've had people I know (not family, but friends) go down this route....

Best of luck, sincerely....

sorry to hear that, i have no direct experience other than watching the shows mentioned in other posts, so i cant offer any direct help. sounds like some good advise so far. this will probably be one of the hardest things you go through,so, it will make you stronger.......good luck man........sometimes things just suck.

 Matt, very sorry to hear this news.  I have a neice that is an addict to narcotics.  She has been in trouble so many times,jail included.  She has a job with the federal governmen.  Amazingly she has not lost that job.  Her parents continue to help her.  She was living with them and they paid for her fines and costs, her Husband almost divorced her this last time.  She has come into my house while we were gone and stolen my wife's loratabs.  Not all of them but enough to notice.  She has to get through 3 locks to get to them.  This is just another example of what you could expect.  I pray that your brother gets the help he needs.  And that he wants it.  If this is a new thing, that he hasn't been doing for years then maybe it will be easier.  I have never dealt with anyone on heroin much.  I will be saying a prayer for you and your family on this.